Because I honestly can't remember the last time I had one. I'm not really complaining (okay, maybe a little or a lot) but I'm starting to wonder if this pipe dream is even possible or are we just lying to the rest of the world when we tell them we woke up completely refreshed and ready to tackle the day. Clearly it's a problem in America, or I wouldn't see at least one article a week focusing on the subject when I'm not really seeking them out.
So let's commiserate instead of lie to one another, if only for a day. These are just some of the things that contribute to my overall crankiness and general disdain for almost the entire human population:
I cannot turn my brain off at night. I've tried all the tricks I've heard about or been told firsthand. Imagine a clear blue sky and you'll pass right out. After a week of trying I gave up. Avoid TV, cell phone, and computer for at least an hour before going to bed--I didn't get to sleep any faster AND I was bored. Don't read books in bed--at least two books behind on my "want to read" list and still takes me at least 30 minutes to crash. Warm milk? That's just gross. Who actually likes the way that tastes? Avoid caffeine after 2 pm? I really think that kept me up longer. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day? Is that even possible as a parent? The list goes on and on.
I stress about work, I stress about trying to fit in going to the gym or at least getting some exercise (and I'm failing miserably at it currently). What I didn't get done that day that I need to make sure I finish tomorrow; taking care of home repairs that have been put off; monthly finances, am I spending enough time with my daughter; with my husband; the amount of time wasted commuting and what I could be doing with it; again the reasons never seem to end.
My husband also tells me that I rarely sleep "well." I toss and turn, groan, and generally give off the impression that I'm not comfortable or getting quality sleep when I am out. That can't be helping. Awesome.
Then, if I manage to get to sleep before 11, I have dreams that would probably make Freud do dirty things to himself in the corner of his office in shame. Seriously, just this weekend there was one with a zombie apocalypse theme where I was the one who locked all the people who might have been exposed in a room to prevent the spread. Someone else let them out, so it became this violent survival dream. The other one I gave birth to a baby girl in a matter of minutes but then I had to get up and immediately walk around with a nurse and when I got back, the baby was a boy and my brother in law had swaddled him up and put him in a tub of shallow water to let him nap. These weird ass dreams happen 2-3 times a week and they tend to wake me up and I can't go back to sleep. They vary from dinosaurs setting up toll booths and eating the cars that don't pay up to a version of American History X's infamous curb scene. They disturb me and I can't help but wonder why they're so twisted or if I need to see a professional about them.
Then let's add to the mix, just for fun, an almost two year old daughter. Who ever came up with the term "slept like a baby" as a good thing is a damn liar and they owe me an apology. We go through our little transition periods when something changes, and I expect those. But the poor kid ended up with my allergies, and the slightest change in weather usually means she wakes up once a twice a night coughing or sneezing. Even if my awesome husband is the one who goes in to check on her, I'm still awake and again fighting my brain to shut the hell up. Oh, and she does NOT sleep in. Weekends are amazing if she sleeps until 7 before wanting breakfast.
Finally, if I didn't punish myself enough already, I get up between 5:15 and 5:30 in the morning. I do this to make sure I can be at work by 8:00. I personally find this completely insane but if I don't leave the house by 6:50 in the mornings, dropping off the kid at day care and cursing traffic would take an hour and a half instead of 45. We moved to the burbs for the good schools and learned to deal with the cookie cutter houses with next to no individuality but for some reason our jobs think it's ridiculous to move with us. How selfish.
Naps are out of the question--I've tried to take them on purpose and I feel worse than I did before I went to sleep. They still happen sometimes on accident, with the same result.
Yes, I know about half of this (or more) is self inflicted and part of my own crazy personality. But I'm also convinced that people who say they're rested most of the time are lying. And if they're not, I kind of want to punch them in the face. So join in my Monday morning gripe-fest. Make me feel a little less ridiculous so I know I'm not the only one in search of just one night of good sleep... if it even exists. Tomorrow I'll go back to lying to myself when I say, "Sleep is over rated."
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