One More Take on Marissa Mayer

Eve at just over 12 months

As if it hasn't been covered to death already, here's one more view on Yahoo! hiring Marissa Mayer knowing she is 6 months pregnant as their latest CEO. To be honest, I didn't know much about her when she was first announced and I didn't realize she was pregnant until the next day when the news stories flashed EVERYWHERE. It got old fast, but at the same time it is a corporate first and widely unexpected.  It struck a nerve with me personally, as a relatively new mom struggling daily with finding some kind of balance with climbing the corporate ladder and feeling like I'm not missing too much of my daughter's life.

Eve is 21 months old right now.  She's nothing short of awesome.  The worst part of my day is dropping her off at daycare around 6:45 in the morning.  Tears have surfaced on more than one occasion.  And I can't even begin to describe the gut wrenching pain of having to tell your child you have to go when they're crying and holding on to you not wanting you to leave.  The best part of my day is picking her up between 5:30 and 6 depending on traffic.  She's always so happy to see me--flashing a gigantic smile and running over to hug my legs and ask me to pick her up.  We've gotten into a sort of rhythm, but it took a long while to get to this point.  And I'm not exactly thrilled she spends a majority of her waking hours with someone other than me.

I took three months off from work when she was born.  I laid out a detailed plan on how I would work from home, slowly at first, but then ramp up so that by the second month I'd be doing my entire job from home with a few exceptions.  I thought I'd be able to get it down so fast, that while yes it would be an adjustment, it wouldn't completely turn my life upside down, and I wouldn't lose too much ground professionally.

Wow, was I wrong.  I couldn't believe how much I'd underestimated motherhood would impact my professional life.  First off, where I'd been extremely career driven before, I'd found that I preferred spending time with my little baby.  I was so anxious to see what new thing she was going to learn each day, when she'd hit the baby milestones.  Watch all of her firsts.  Suddenly the after work drinks to network didn't appeal to me.  I'd rather be home with her.  I continue to struggle with the guilt of missing so much of her day and only getting to spend a few short hours with her in the evenings before she goes to bed.

Second, I nursed.  For an entire year.  It was extremely important to both me and my husband that we give her the best nutritional start we could.  I'm proud of it, but try scheduling meetings or taking phone calls or even planning to attend an event after work around that schedule.  To keep things flowing (so to speak) you have to pump about the same time your baby would be taking her usual meal.  So three times a day, I shut my door for about 20-25 minutes and focused on answering emails or doing reports and other paperwork.  Yes, I researched how to make my pump "hands free."

Traveling was difficult to say the least.  I managed to make a few day trips and a couple of 2 and 3 night stays at various times, but then that meant pumping 4-6 times a day, making sure I had a refrigerator/freezer to store it in my hotel room, and then transporting everything back and forth on airplanes with freezer packs.  But I also avoided more than one trip because it was complicated and again, I wanted to be home.

Add on top of it, how much more difficult it would have been if my husband hadn't been so understanding and supportive of my career, stepping up to play Mr. Mom while I was gone.  But that also means his career has the potential to suffer as well.  If I'm out of town, and he gets the call that Eve has a fever, he has to drop everything to go pick her up and take her to the doctor.  If she's sick for more than a day, one of us has to stay home with her.  All of that is time away from work when others are there.

Now back to Mrs. Mayer.  She'll be a first time mom--is she also underestimating the insanity that is motherhood?  Obviously, she's in a financial position to have full time help should she want it, but will she grapple with the ever present "mommy guilt" the same way I do?  Will Yahoo! and more importantly its investors and analysts be understanding of a flexible work schedule when it comes to the stock price?  Will the Board continue to support her and how she wants to run the company if they start to feel the frequent pediatrician visits or calls about a sick child are interfering with the company's performance?  She's not exactly taking over the most stable company--and turning a company around is a lot more demanding than keeping one on a smooth sailing course.

Personally, I hope she's some kind of miracle CEO that turns Yahoo! into a relevant player again.  I hope she's able to find that balance where she's comfortable with the sacrifices she makes at home and the ones she makes at work.  Because without question, both will have to happen.  I hope she's fulfilled personally and professionally.  And I hope that she doesn't mind that professionally ambitious moms everywhere are looking at her in hopes that a very public success story will help pave the way for their own success.

The Generational Change Gap

This is a sensitive topic, as I'm voluntarily walking into the bear trap of being that stereotypical, younger whining twit who thinks old people just don't get it, man.  Even more so when I disclose that I work for a company that's run by my family.  But that doesn't make it any less of a real issue.  I've spent more time editing this one than I did writing it, and I hope my attempt to remain objective and not get personal reflects that.  If not, feel free to argue with me and point out where I'm wrong.

There are times when I avoid our almost 79 year old Chairman of the Board.  And those days where I get sucked into something, well, they're often filled with more headaches than solutions.  Unfortunately, he really doesn't understand what I do.  Much of what I'm involved in simply didn't exist in his heyday, and while they're critical now, they weren't for many years and I know he has trouble seeing the value I bring to the bottom liine.  I've been introduced to various people he has tour our office as "my oldest granddaughter... I have no idea what she does on that computer all day, but she sure looks pretty doing it."  I think he means this as a compliment, but there's very little I find more insulting professionally.  So I do what I can to get my job done without his interference.

It's sad, and I'm sure the company as a whole is missing out on some benefits it would otherwise gain if there were a way we could work together more productively.

This dread and swelling urge to roll my eyes is often misconstrued as a general disdain for the older generations. I find myself right in the middle of that over lap between Gen X and Gen Y (I tend to self identify more with the Xers) but neither generation are well known to view the baby boomers or WWII generation with the greatest regard when it comes to business.  However, at least for me, there are two very distinct types of of these "older business types" and while I do often find one group incorrigible, I genuinely feel the other gets a bad rep from their counterparts.  The result is, and I'm just as guilty as the rest, we tend to ignore the wealth of knowledge they could constructively provide.

The first group I'm referring to has the mentality of management by walking around, their ways of doing business are the only ways, and you can't possibly get any work done if you're not in the office. They tend to look at younger generations as soft, spoiled, maybe even a little inept.  They come across not as attempting to impart their years of wisdom (which they do have, I must give credit where it's due) but more as a parent using the "tiger style" approach on an unruly child.  These are the CEOs who, despite several studies and articles that speak to the contrary, will make every attempt to kill social media usage while their workers are on the clock because they think it destroys their precious productivity.  They tend to show too much favor toward one aspect of a business as the critical department that determines a company's success or failure (not a coincidence, it's often the department they came up through to their current prominence).  They force their ideas down the throats of those who report to them instead of granting those people the freedom to make a critical decision.  They scoff at innovation and can be overheard saying something similar to "that's the way we've always done it" or "this has worked for me for 30 years, I don't see how you can't make it work now."

From my perspective, it's very easy to see why I may come across as unwilling to listen to the "olds" overall.  However, some of the business people I look up to most include Warren Buffet, H. Ross Perot, Richard Branson, and Jack Welch. They're not perfect but they have one very critical thing in common.  Here's the simple idea that creates a massive divide between the people I rather harshly described before to make a point and these gentlemen--they embrace and cultivate change. They're intelligent enough to know they don't know everything and look for knowledge and ideas at every possible turn. 

It seems like such a simple concept to me and many among my two generational groups yet it's amazingly difficult to get older generations to use in a business setting. I'm not sure of the motivation behind this behavior but I certainly find myself speculating--are they realizing they're approaching the end of their "useful life" in the business world and they feel a little resentment toward feeling cast aside?  Are they convinced this "new" business model is all wrong and will only result in our impending fall into some sort of zombie apocalypse? There are a myriad of potential explanations, but whatever the truth is (and it's probably different for each of them), they hold to it like the world will end if they let that idea go. 

Yes, change is uncomfortable and sends you out into the world not knowing how it will turn out.  Yes, change may reveal that you're no longer as astute as you once were in business.  Yes, change can be extremely difficult and can make you feel incredibly unsure of your professional future.  But the "ah ha" revelation that should go with those fears is change is no different for someone who is 65 than it is for someone at 25.  It scares all of us.  No matter your age, experience, your knowledge, or even your chosen profession and your rank within it, change means you have to adapt, continue learning, and is essentially a lot more work than going with the status quo.

But even the Greek philosophers (who are literally as old as dirt by now) almost preached that the key to life is to never stop learning.  Plato said, "If a man neglects education, he walks lame to the end of his life." There may no valid reason for you to take heed of what I think or say, however, I've always heard this Plato guy was pretty smart. Hopefully you'll at least consider his words and embrace the small difference in your attitude that can literally transform your legacy, your impression you leave with the younger generations you lead today, and create an opportunity to impart the infinite wisdom you do have to share with the world. It's not necessarily what you say but how you say it and how you respond to others, but that cliche is for another story....

Blast From the Past

I came across something that I wrote years ago in high school.  It was based on the early 70s feminist essay, "I Want a Wife" by Judy Brady (you can Google it).  Basically, the assignment was to write your own version of this social commentary, and I really got into it.  So, what better way to make a bold statement than to spit in the face of the high school social structure as I saw it?  I still remember the teacher reading my version of the essay in its entirety for the class and most of them being shocked that I was revealed as the author.  I hadn't quite become the vociferous opinionated person I am today.

So here it is, completely uneditted after15 years:

I WANT A GIRLFRIEND

Since entering high school, I have noticed and have been a part of several relationships. In seeing what could possibly occur and what often does occur, I have come to the conclusion that I, too, would like to have a girlfriend. The reason for this is simple; a girlfriend usually becomes a puppet to control.

My girlfriend would be absolutely perfect. She would be devoted and caring, but never controlling. She would always think I am intelligent and witty, and would never show a difference of opinion. After a long, hard day of school and football practice, my girlfriend would stop what she might be doing to rush over to my house. There she would give me a massage while I complained about my homework and how hard today’s practice was. If my mom was not in the position to prepare my food when I wanted it, she would happily volunteer to prepare whatever I so desired, being extremely careful to cook each item just the way I want it. After I was finished with my meal, my girlfriend would clean up after me, because she would not want me doing anything that might use my remaining energy.

She would be sure to help me with my homework because she knows I cannot fail and still play football. Though I may not feel like doing such a task, she would make sure everything would be done correctly. When I grow tired of her presence, she would go home without asking questions, where she would resume whatever she may have been doing earlier. At school, she would meet me by my locker, and sit with my friends in the mornings. None of her friends would stop and bother mine and my girlfriend would go off with her friends when I so desired. That way I would be left alone to talk with my friends about “guy stuff.”

On the weekends, I would be able to spend plenty of time with my friends, and she would go out with hers. However, if I asked her to go out with me she would, even if it meant canceling plans with her friends. I am her number one priority and she would compromise anything to be with me.

If we ever had a fight, my girlfriend would be the one to apologize and say that I am right. I am allowed to remain angry at her, since she disagreed with me and she would understand completely. If we argued too much for my taste, I would break up with her until she came to her senses. When she realizes that she needs me, I would consider taking her back, but if I did not she would leave me alone. Finally, when I do find someone more suitable for my standards, I could easily break up with my current girlfriend for the better one.

I am regrettably sorry to say that this is not fiction because too many times I have seen males treat their girlfriend in such a manner. If it continues without our knowing it, it will continue until someone figures out that this behavior is wrong. If girls are often like this, then it is no wonder why every male considers them to be the “perfect girlfriend.”

The Ugly Truth of Business

I’m jaded.  I’m not going to lie to you.  I’ve worked for some pretty terrible companies, and I’ve been a part of some organizations that when I took a hard look at their business philosophy and leadership, I was genuinely shocked they managed (puns!) to stay in business for more than two or three years.  But there are still some amazing companies out there… at least that’s the rumor.  I read about several of them in Forbes, Fortune, and the Wall Street Journal.  They make me yearn for a company I can believe in, support completely, and be inspired regularly to be the very best version of my professional self.  I’m sure each has their fair share of people who walked away thinking it was completely screwed up and they were doomed for failure, but I digress. Culture and fit is a topic for another day.

Back to being a sourpuss who wants to (look for the irony) get away from business by starting up one of my own.  My plan is a pizza place.  It’ll be brilliant—a giant middle finger Mecca for all those, like me, who are exhausted by trying to make a difference in the corporate world through silly things like morals and logic.  The name would be simple—Christi’s Pizza Parlor.  But the slogan would be, “Where we say F You to Corporate Rules.”  I know, it’s a tacky gimmick, but if a burger place can thrive on feeding 300 pound obese people for free and naming their food after life changing surgeries, I think I’m well within my rights of marketing freedom.  We’d hire teenagers to work there—because what teenager doesn’t love the idea of being a part of a lame rebellion?  Time clocks and scheduled work shifts?  Who needs them.  Inventory control?  Pfft, we’ll just order stuff when it looks like we need it.  Pricing strategies?  So over rated.  Health codes?  I mean it’s not like we haven’t all toyed with the 5 second rule at some point in our lives.  Market research and advertising?  I won’t have time for that because I’ll be too busy watching my kindred spirits flock to the place only to find out that there’s no guarantee they’ll get their pizza in a timely manner or even as they ordered it.  Who knows if the place will even be open during the lunch rush because my ever reliable teenage workforce might just decide they don’t feel like working that day?  It just adds to the fun!  Remember, I’m very dedicated to this slogan piece of my pseudo business.

I should be wildly successful.  I mean, I’m playing to all the things that drive people crazy about their jobs (including myself) and I’ve got a hilarious angle to make the place fun and inviting (although I may need to come up with a PG version of the slogan for families), and most importantly I have no real business plan.  How is that not a recipe for me to make millions?  I’ll have multiple venture capitalists trying to get me to franchise the thing out in a matter of months, right?

As much as we lament day in and day out about corporate policies, various procedures that we have to follow to get things done, and we curse the bosses who won’t bend on what we feel is the silliest of policies… it all still exists for a good reason.  Yes, the execution may be horribly flawed but the basic principles still hold true when they’re not twisted and contorted into something that becomes a farce of the original idea.

1.      You have to make more than you spend to stay in business (unless you’re a gigantic bank apparently)

2.     You need to pay your bills (hopefully promptly)

3.     You need to hire good people, treat them fairly, and help them grow professionally

4.     You need to evaluate your own ideas, processes, policies, and even vendors to make sure they’re still the best choice for the business AT THAT POINT IN TIME (more on that in a moment)

5.     You have to have a little fun with it and not take things so seriously all the time

Here’s the kicker—what seems like an almost idiot proof idea, the execution always seems to find that new level of idiot we weren’t prepared for.  Or I could take a slightly less sarcastic approach to retorting my own arguments: there’s simply confusion and interpretation that leads to the failed execution of these ideas.  Any time two or more people interact, what one person says is not going to be heard by the other(s) exactly as intended the first time.

So how do we get past that?  Is it even possible?  That's where the hard work and using common sense comes into play. Voltaire has been quoted as saying, "Common sense is not so common."  This couldn't be truer in business. There's a delicate balance between executing common sense ideas like keeping an accurate inventory to avoid waste or running out of something and dwelling on 20 different inventory reports that may not even be that reliable to begin with.

While my pizza parlor is the very extreme case, the rebellion has merit. Give people certain necessary boundaries but give them the freedom to work in a manner they enjoy. Make sure the essentials are tracked accurately and in a timely manner but let go of the things that beat people down and truly provide little useful information.  Use common sense--and if you lack it (it's okay to admit it), hire someone who can keep you in check.  And most importantly, have a little fun.  We spend a quarter of our time at work every week--and that doesn't include any commuting time, extra hours, or the time people mull over work issues at home or in their minds. While every case has the exception most people just want to do something they enjoy, challenge them, and makes them feel like they're making a genuine contribution to the world. Stop ruining it for us by making common sense so ridiculous it no longer makes sense.

Stuff I Like

Savannah, GA - setting for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and where I got married

Happy endings are for suckers.

One of my favorite poems is Edgar Allan Poe's Annabelle Lee.  A young man in love shares his story of pain and loss.  The description is beautiful to me.  The resentment, the anger, and the utter devastation--I crave it.  It's real.  It's part of the human condition.  Happy endings are for people who want to escape their reality.  Romantic comedies are predictable, and well, they pretty much make me cringe.  Blah.

I'm not interested in escaping.  I'm interested in the everyday insanity that so many people try to ignore or cover up or even pretend doesn't exist. I don't particularly want to be emerged in it personally  (I have enough of my own issues, thank you very much) but participating as a casual observer amuses me.

Give me gritty, raw misery.  Give me a story where the "bad guy" wins.  Give me a story where the protagonist gains a deeper understanding of his faults and how they're leading to his demise but ends up past the point of redemption.  Give me a love story where one person puts their heart and soul into the other only to have that person leave without an explanation.  Give me Iago's "Demand me nothing, what you know, you know.  From this time forth I never will speak word."  I love that his actions go completely unresolved.

I like to learn--and it seems there are far more opportunities to learn from chaos than from "normality."  Whatever that is.  It's probably just one giant charade that we all put on so others don't realize we're nuts.  I enjoy figuring out the logic another person used to get to their conclusion.  The steps I can't follow, well I chalk that up to the person being crazy and just not realizing it yet.

I like people who stand up for themselves and what they feel deeply passionate about.  I can even tolerate not agreeing with it to some extent--again, if I can follow the logic.  We shouldn't care what others think or approve of (short of being illegal maybe) and yet we're constantly trying to fit in, to find that balance between what we enjoy most and what our social circles consider acceptable.  We shouldn't have to try to live up to others' expectations but our own and yet I'm guilty of doing just that my entire life.  And it took me years to realize it.  Smooth, huh?

So I'll take the conflict, the disapproval of those around me, and I'll figure out for myself what makes me happy.  With the help of the people around me who "get it" of course.  Audrey Hepburn was quoted as saying, "I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone."  Yes, there is a difference.

Intro to Me



A demonstration of my sparkling personality



I started writing one of those "you need to understand me" bits a couple weeks ago in preparation for this blog.  I've been stuck on where to take it for a few days and decided to start over.  I was all over the flippin' place without making a real point with any of it.  Honestly, I was coming across as an as yet undefined breed of super bitch.  I must have been in a bad mood when I started writing.

Not to say that I'm sweet or even the slightest bit demure.  I can be supremely unpleasant when the situation calls for it, but I'm really a lot more than that.  I do have several tendencies that come across to others as bitchy, but in my defense they're not actually bitchy--they're honest.  Yes, there is a difference.  I'm really quite terrible at concealing my distaste for characteristics I don't find appealing and I truly do appreciate when people share their honest opinions with me--it took me several years to understand that most don't share my appreciation for no frills honesty.

So I muddle through often quiet and occasionally bursting at the seams with opinions that come flying out at less then optortune moments.  I've come to the conclusion that people need a dose of inconvenient reality now and then.  That's where I fit in and quite well.  Those who take offense to it aren't going to warm up to me over time, so I'm just not going to bother.  I'm comfortable with the saying that if you haven't offended anyone in your life then you never really stood up for anything.

So here I am--bitchy but honest and happy to be both.  Hey, at least you know when I compliment you it's genuine.  That should be at least a little redeeming.

Read Me

What's the point of this blog you may ask?  I haven't quite figured it out yet.  But I feel compelled to build some sort of writing portfolio to see if my lifelong yet frequently ignored hobby of writing could ever turn into something more.

I've gone back over some of my personal writing and realized I've complained about not doing this for years now, so it's time to stop complaining and start doing.  If it ends up being a fruitless endeavor, then at least I can say I tried.  I don't want end life thinking that it's okay to just muddle through without ever really taking a chance on something one loves.

So here it is.  I'm open to criticism (as long as it's genuinely useful--if you want to heckle, I must warn you I can sling it with the best of them).  I'll probably cover a wide variety of topics and it may seem like I'm all over the map, but I have a feeling I'll start converging on a theme or two most important to me as I continue to write.

I need to commit to this before I wake up one morning not recognizing the potential I once had.  I've been joking about writing that NY Times best selling novel for over ten years.  I've jotted down at least 15 story ideas.  I'll be throwing down during Nano Wrimo this year and really making an attempt to finish a complete draft.  I've started a few, but never finished one.

I want to write.  Despite all the articles and blogs telling the masses to never become a writer.  All the articles and blogs that speak of the boundless rejection, the impossible odds to overcome, blah, blah, blah.  I take them in and genuinely consider whether or not I should quit this silly idea and something always pulls me back.  If it's meant to remain a hobby, I can live with that.  If it's meant for more then I can't allow myself to never take the chance.