I’m jaded. I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve worked for some pretty terrible companies, and I’ve been a part of some organizations that when I took a hard look at their business philosophy and leadership, I was genuinely shocked they managed (puns!) to stay in business for more than two or three years. But there are still some amazing companies out there… at least that’s the rumor. I read about several of them in Forbes, Fortune, and the Wall Street Journal. They make me yearn for a company I can believe in, support completely, and be inspired regularly to be the very best version of my professional self. I’m sure each has their fair share of people who walked away thinking it was completely screwed up and they were doomed for failure, but I digress. Culture and fit is a topic for another day.
Back to being a sourpuss who wants to (look for the irony) get away from business by starting up one of my own. My plan is a pizza place. It’ll be brilliant—a giant middle finger Mecca for all those, like me, who are exhausted by trying to make a difference in the corporate world through silly things like morals and logic. The name would be simple—Christi’s Pizza Parlor. But the slogan would be, “Where we say F You to Corporate Rules.” I know, it’s a tacky gimmick, but if a burger place can thrive on feeding 300 pound obese people for free and naming their food after life changing surgeries, I think I’m well within my rights of marketing freedom. We’d hire teenagers to work there—because what teenager doesn’t love the idea of being a part of a lame rebellion? Time clocks and scheduled work shifts? Who needs them. Inventory control? Pfft, we’ll just order stuff when it looks like we need it. Pricing strategies? So over rated. Health codes? I mean it’s not like we haven’t all toyed with the 5 second rule at some point in our lives. Market research and advertising? I won’t have time for that because I’ll be too busy watching my kindred spirits flock to the place only to find out that there’s no guarantee they’ll get their pizza in a timely manner or even as they ordered it. Who knows if the place will even be open during the lunch rush because my ever reliable teenage workforce might just decide they don’t feel like working that day? It just adds to the fun! Remember, I’m very dedicated to this slogan piece of my pseudo business.
I should be wildly successful. I mean, I’m playing to all the things that drive people crazy about their jobs (including myself) and I’ve got a hilarious angle to make the place fun and inviting (although I may need to come up with a PG version of the slogan for families), and most importantly I have no real business plan. How is that not a recipe for me to make millions? I’ll have multiple venture capitalists trying to get me to franchise the thing out in a matter of months, right?
As much as we lament day in and day out about corporate policies, various procedures that we have to follow to get things done, and we curse the bosses who won’t bend on what we feel is the silliest of policies… it all still exists for a good reason. Yes, the execution may be horribly flawed but the basic principles still hold true when they’re not twisted and contorted into something that becomes a farce of the original idea.
1. You have to make more than you spend to stay in business (unless you’re a gigantic bank apparently)
2. You need to pay your bills (hopefully promptly)
3. You need to hire good people, treat them fairly, and help them grow professionally
4. You need to evaluate your own ideas, processes, policies, and even vendors to make sure they’re still the best choice for the business AT THAT POINT IN TIME (more on that in a moment)
5. You have to have a little fun with it and not take things so seriously all the time
Here’s the kicker—what seems like an almost idiot proof idea, the execution always seems to find that new level of idiot we weren’t prepared for. Or I could take a slightly less sarcastic approach to retorting my own arguments: there’s simply confusion and interpretation that leads to the failed execution of these ideas. Any time two or more people interact, what one person says is not going to be heard by the other(s) exactly as intended the first time.
So how do we get past that? Is it even possible? That's where the hard work and using common sense comes into play. Voltaire has been quoted as saying, "Common sense is not so common." This couldn't be truer in business. There's a delicate balance between executing common sense ideas like keeping an accurate inventory to avoid waste or running out of something and dwelling on 20 different inventory reports that may not even be that reliable to begin with.
While my pizza parlor is the very extreme case, the rebellion has merit. Give people certain necessary boundaries but give them the freedom to work in a manner they enjoy. Make sure the essentials are tracked accurately and in a timely manner but let go of the things that beat people down and truly provide little useful information. Use common sense--and if you lack it (it's okay to admit it), hire someone who can keep you in check. And most importantly, have a little fun. We spend a quarter of our time at work every week--and that doesn't include any commuting time, extra hours, or the time people mull over work issues at home or in their minds. While every case has the exception most people just want to do something they enjoy, challenge them, and makes them feel like they're making a genuine contribution to the world. Stop ruining it for us by making common sense so ridiculous it no longer makes sense.
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