Blast From the Past

I came across something that I wrote years ago in high school.  It was based on the early 70s feminist essay, "I Want a Wife" by Judy Brady (you can Google it).  Basically, the assignment was to write your own version of this social commentary, and I really got into it.  So, what better way to make a bold statement than to spit in the face of the high school social structure as I saw it?  I still remember the teacher reading my version of the essay in its entirety for the class and most of them being shocked that I was revealed as the author.  I hadn't quite become the vociferous opinionated person I am today.

So here it is, completely uneditted after15 years:

I WANT A GIRLFRIEND

Since entering high school, I have noticed and have been a part of several relationships. In seeing what could possibly occur and what often does occur, I have come to the conclusion that I, too, would like to have a girlfriend. The reason for this is simple; a girlfriend usually becomes a puppet to control.

My girlfriend would be absolutely perfect. She would be devoted and caring, but never controlling. She would always think I am intelligent and witty, and would never show a difference of opinion. After a long, hard day of school and football practice, my girlfriend would stop what she might be doing to rush over to my house. There she would give me a massage while I complained about my homework and how hard today’s practice was. If my mom was not in the position to prepare my food when I wanted it, she would happily volunteer to prepare whatever I so desired, being extremely careful to cook each item just the way I want it. After I was finished with my meal, my girlfriend would clean up after me, because she would not want me doing anything that might use my remaining energy.

She would be sure to help me with my homework because she knows I cannot fail and still play football. Though I may not feel like doing such a task, she would make sure everything would be done correctly. When I grow tired of her presence, she would go home without asking questions, where she would resume whatever she may have been doing earlier. At school, she would meet me by my locker, and sit with my friends in the mornings. None of her friends would stop and bother mine and my girlfriend would go off with her friends when I so desired. That way I would be left alone to talk with my friends about “guy stuff.”

On the weekends, I would be able to spend plenty of time with my friends, and she would go out with hers. However, if I asked her to go out with me she would, even if it meant canceling plans with her friends. I am her number one priority and she would compromise anything to be with me.

If we ever had a fight, my girlfriend would be the one to apologize and say that I am right. I am allowed to remain angry at her, since she disagreed with me and she would understand completely. If we argued too much for my taste, I would break up with her until she came to her senses. When she realizes that she needs me, I would consider taking her back, but if I did not she would leave me alone. Finally, when I do find someone more suitable for my standards, I could easily break up with my current girlfriend for the better one.

I am regrettably sorry to say that this is not fiction because too many times I have seen males treat their girlfriend in such a manner. If it continues without our knowing it, it will continue until someone figures out that this behavior is wrong. If girls are often like this, then it is no wonder why every male considers them to be the “perfect girlfriend.”