Searching for that Dream Job?

I need to find my dream job.  The one with flexible hours and an option to work from home some, lots of autonomy, challenges me to grow and develop personally and professionally, doesn't waste time on pointless meetings, pays REALLY well, and everyone immediately notices the greatness I bring to the table so they ask my opinion on strategy and the future direction of the company.  Oh, and it needs to align with my personal and political views so I can feel like I'm changing the world through my career.  That job has to be out there, and it has to be just waiting for me to show up and start being the rock star that I am, right?

I don't need anyone to look over my resume to make sure it works--my resume speaks for itself.  I've done impressive things in college so far and I can do many more.  Nevermind I haven't actually been employed yet or ever bothered with an internship.  I'll just upload it to the Internet Cosmos and wait for the offers to come pouring in.  I don't need to waste my time with networking--none of those people could possibly teach me something I don't already know and certainly none of them are CEOs looking for their successor.  This stuff should all just fall right into my lap.

What do you mean I haven't demonstrated to you all these bold claims?  What do you mean, you want proof that I'll fulfill my commitments before you're willing to give me a shot at that amazing job I know I deserve now?  What do you mean I need to curb my attitude?  What do you mean I need to keep my mouth shut and learn something?  I went to college, after all.  What do you mean I need to start off with this low profile, grunt work that no one else wants to do?  What do you mean I need to EARN it?

I'm here to make my mark on the world and you should feel privileged I want to do it within your company.  I could just as easily go out on my own and make millions, I just want the stability of a good paycheck, social interaction with coworkers, and the safety net of being with a company that's not going to close up tomorrow.  I mean, I can't have all my accomplishments and genius go to waste.

Yeah, thanks for all that parents, coaches, and teachers who bought into the ridiculous crap about making sure kids never feel bad about not winning or doing well while growing up.  Somehwere along the way, these no keeping score, never grade in red, never tell them no ingrates became "adults" and now they don't understand the good life isn't just handed to you.

I hope they live with you well into their 30s and keep you from being able to retire.

If You're an Ass Kisser, I Won't Like You

Today, I throw a monkey wrench in my whole customer service thing: here's where I tell you how much I loathe ass kissing.  To me there's a difference between good service and ass kissing, and my take on what those differences entail is, of course, very specific and thought out.  Your version will likely be different or you may be someone who prefers to back your rear up on a set of puckered lips.  If you're that person, you'll probably want to stop reading right now.

Since I've already gone over what good service is to me, there's no sense in spinning that wheel again.  Check it out if you haven't already--it will probably add to what I'm about to say.

Ass kissers are trying to overcompensate for the fact that all they're really trying to do is getting something out of you.  They're not trying to build a long term business or personal relationship--they see being associated with you as a way to move up in the world or weasel their way in to something they couldn't otherwise.  They're not approaching the exchange as a give and take based on trust and mutual respect--ass kissers are trying to float your ego high enough in hopes you won't notice they're taking something from you without reciprocity.

No one's a perfect judge of character, and as confident I am in my abilities to read most people I'm positive I've been wrong before.  This isn't an ego trip for me--I just genuinely dislike being showered with attention I can tell is completely fake.  It's a set up and they're trying to create a false sense of trust. I find manipulative dishonesty extremely insulting to one's intelligence.

It's the car salesman that won't talk to a woman unless a guy is there with her.  It's the restaurant manager or waiter that makes some big production about a "special" something that really costs them nothing in hopes of a 30% tip on a nice dinner.  It's the retail sales person that completely ignores you when you indicate the need for help until you flash a platinum card.  It's the sales person or account manager that you can never get a hold of once they got that initial sale after promising to follow up regularly or be hands on during the transition.  The examples are abundant.

And if you are a person who enjoys this kind of attention... why?  Are you so insecure that you need validation of your importance through false sincerity?  Do you enjoy having people bow down and serve you to acknowledge that you are a higher class of person?  Are you so lonely that you will take any kind of attention, even if it's fleeting?  Is ass kissing just how you define good service?  Is there some sort of psychological scar that makes you want to chase those kind of people and "fix" them?

I hold honesty and being genuine in high regard, so it really is difficult for me to see the other side of this coin.  But there are so many good people in the world, I just don't see the point in wasting time with the sleazeballs.  Why bother wondering if/when they're going to turn on you for a better deal?  Hell, why encourage bad behavior by enabling them?  Certainly these ass kissers wouldn't stick to it if it didn't work on enough people to make worth their while.

Great Customer Service

I really am a low key person when it comes to service.  All I expect is someone to do their job without making the customer feel like he/she's a burden.  They are getting paid, after all.  So when someone goes above and beyond my expectations I remember it.  I genuinely appreciate it.  As quick as I am to write a letter about bad behavior, I'm even quicker to do so for something extraordinary.

I had a meeting yesterday with an individual who did just that over three years ago.  He was fresh out of college and doing group sales packages for a minor league baseball team.  I called wanting to put together an employee night at the ballpark.  It was the usual interactions, all by phone and email.  So when game night came along, I wasn't expecting to see him at the door of the suite waiting specifically to introduce himself personally and make sure everything was satisfactory.  I saved the business card he gave me that night to call him directly for future events.

Fast forward 2 months.  Out of no where, I get an email from the guy letting me know he'd seen a magazine ad that featured my dad, his wife, and her new 7 series BMW and wanting to congratulate the company on the publicity.  First, thoughtful of him to remember that many details about a customer he'd worked with one time.  I asked him which magazine and if he knew where I could get a copy to get the ad framed for my dad.  He said he'd send me the copy he had.  Really didn't expect that and I was incredibly impressed.  Turns out, he didn't just mail it.  He took the time to drive it over to the office personally--I'd been out when he stopped by, but wow, that's amazing service.

I sent him a thank you email immediately, and I connected with him on LinkedIn not long after that.  This guy clearly had some excellent sales and customer service qualities.  Where ever he ends up, he's a great person to stay in touch with.

As luck would have it, a few months later my company was looking to hire a sales person.  I sent him an email right away.  He was flattered I thought of him, but he'd recently changed jobs and was really excited about the new one.  I understood and we talked briefly to see if there was a way we could use his services.  Unfortunately, the field he went into wasn't compatible with mine.  He understood, didn't press, and we agreed to keep in touch in case either of us ran across something.

Last week he sent me an email about a job fair.  I get emails like this ALL THE TIME.  "Advertise with us!  Reach over 500 prospective employees!  Blah, blah, blah."  I work in a strange industry and recruiting people isn't as simple as participating in a job fair.  Most people we recruit have never been in our industry, never realized it was an industry, and when they tell their networks where they moved they get asked why.  It's a great industry, very robust, and lots of money to be made by good people--it just doesn't scream glamor and excitement.  And it takes a very unique skill set to be successful.  Mass appeal need not apply.

Anyway, I responded back to this guy specifically because of everything he's done building up to this point.  And I'm discussing it with our HR people today to see if it's worthwhile for them.  And I'm going to get back with him quickly with a real answer.  He's done so many things for me without me ever asking, I owe him at least that much.  And THAT'S what great customer service is all about.  If you treat everyone like they really matter, and aren't just a means to an end, it will pay off.  I still want to recruit the guy for sales for our company.  With the right tools and support, he could make a major impact on our bottom line and be a stellar representative on the company's behalf.

I think it's sad how difficult it's become to find people like this.  But I do have a handful of these stories and I remember the people.  I stay in touch with them, and as a general rule I don't like many people.  I'd like to think I've helped a few people in a similar way over the years and they remember me for it.  I know of two people and one company that remembered me for work I'd done for them in the past.  That's really what it's all about.  It's almost too simple yet so hard to find in practice.

Bad Customer Service

I shop on the Internet.  A lot.  I don't know how I survived before it.  Shopping is not a social event for me--I want to get stuff quickly, quietly, and without complication.  I don't particularly like wandering around from store to store aimlessly looking without purpose to try things on in a space where 10 other women are doing the same thing while having private conversations with their "girlfriends" in the stall next to them.  I don't want to hear about your husband's foot fetish porn addiction.  Whatever happened to keeping certain things private?

The one downside to this otherwise glorious method of avoiding human interaction is returns. Unless I want to pay to have it shipped back (thank you Zappos for being the exception), I must still visit the brick and mortar store to handle most returns.

 There are two traits that I absolutely cannot stand in another person--stupid and lazy.  And lazy has permeated the local store that I happen to frequent most.

It started out innocently enough, I walk up to the counter with my bag of rejects and ask to return them.  The girl immediately informs me that I can make returns anywhere in the store.  I politely say thanks, even though I already knew this but I come to the customer service department because its what I prefer.  I walk through the store on my way to the "customer service" department--I rarely see someone on the floor who's not already helping someone else.

I get this routine from 2-3 girls at the counter of the next couple of months.  Finally, I push back a little.  Immediately trying to send this return to the floor, I tell her that she's told me this three times now and that I prefer coming to this counter.  I thought maybe if I pointed it out to her politely, she'd figure out that part of customer service is handling this stuff?  I'm not entirely sure, but if someone did that to me I would step back and remember that is part of my job and be a little bit embarrassed I'd represented the company I worked for so poorly.  This was not the case for these girls.

The past two visits, I've been told by girls who were on the phone (one might have actually been helping someone, the other was very obviously having a bitch-fest with a coworker in another department) that if I wanted to return something I'd need to see a sales associate.  The first time, I was a little shocked and just stood there and stared at her for a moment before leaving.  The second time, you would have had to been a complete moron to not notice I was perturbed--this was the bitch fest.  Ironically, the same floor sales associate handled the returns for me on the floor both times.  She was incredibly polite, very helpful, and even stopped the restocking she was doing once to help me out.  So the second time, I asked her what the deal was with their customer service department employees turning people away with returns?

I know it was a little unfair, but she handled it brilliantly.  She apologized, didn't throw them under the bus, and even tried to offer an excuse for them to make sure the company's reputation wasn't tarnished.  If she was having a bad day, I would never know it.  If she ever wants out of retail, I would hire her on that basis alone.

So, why am I writing what was is basically a long-winded whine session?  Well, this particular company is world renowned for its eagerness to help and please a customer.  In most cases they live up to that reputation.  And I have some returns that I've been putting off because I really don't want to deal with the chance of getting one of these lazy girls.  If I have to deal with one of them, my politeness has run out and I know I'm going to say something tacky and crass.  I'll ask specifically for her name, write it down in front of her so she knows I won't forget, and then I'll write a letter to the store manager letting him/her know how poorly this person represents their brand.

I've hit that point where social decorum no longer matters to me and I'm going to be the bitch that gets them in trouble.  I strongly dislike people who work in a job with "customer service" in the description and decide it's at best an afterthought.  I realize it's probably not their dream career, and that's fine.  I know it's not the only thing they do all day.  I'm not expecting them to jump over the moon and kiss my ass, just that they not make me feel like I'm inconveniencing them by walking up.  I'm merely asking that these ladies not be employees who put more effort into getting out of work than it would take to do their job decently.

What's the saying--for every good experience you have, you tell three people and for every bad you tell ten?  Tomorrow, to balance things out I think I'll discuss the people who've gone above and beyond when they didn't have to, and how it's impacted my business relationship with them.  I can't be a bitch all the time, right?  (Please don't answer that.)

One More Take on Marissa Mayer

Eve at just over 12 months

As if it hasn't been covered to death already, here's one more view on Yahoo! hiring Marissa Mayer knowing she is 6 months pregnant as their latest CEO. To be honest, I didn't know much about her when she was first announced and I didn't realize she was pregnant until the next day when the news stories flashed EVERYWHERE. It got old fast, but at the same time it is a corporate first and widely unexpected.  It struck a nerve with me personally, as a relatively new mom struggling daily with finding some kind of balance with climbing the corporate ladder and feeling like I'm not missing too much of my daughter's life.

Eve is 21 months old right now.  She's nothing short of awesome.  The worst part of my day is dropping her off at daycare around 6:45 in the morning.  Tears have surfaced on more than one occasion.  And I can't even begin to describe the gut wrenching pain of having to tell your child you have to go when they're crying and holding on to you not wanting you to leave.  The best part of my day is picking her up between 5:30 and 6 depending on traffic.  She's always so happy to see me--flashing a gigantic smile and running over to hug my legs and ask me to pick her up.  We've gotten into a sort of rhythm, but it took a long while to get to this point.  And I'm not exactly thrilled she spends a majority of her waking hours with someone other than me.

I took three months off from work when she was born.  I laid out a detailed plan on how I would work from home, slowly at first, but then ramp up so that by the second month I'd be doing my entire job from home with a few exceptions.  I thought I'd be able to get it down so fast, that while yes it would be an adjustment, it wouldn't completely turn my life upside down, and I wouldn't lose too much ground professionally.

Wow, was I wrong.  I couldn't believe how much I'd underestimated motherhood would impact my professional life.  First off, where I'd been extremely career driven before, I'd found that I preferred spending time with my little baby.  I was so anxious to see what new thing she was going to learn each day, when she'd hit the baby milestones.  Watch all of her firsts.  Suddenly the after work drinks to network didn't appeal to me.  I'd rather be home with her.  I continue to struggle with the guilt of missing so much of her day and only getting to spend a few short hours with her in the evenings before she goes to bed.

Second, I nursed.  For an entire year.  It was extremely important to both me and my husband that we give her the best nutritional start we could.  I'm proud of it, but try scheduling meetings or taking phone calls or even planning to attend an event after work around that schedule.  To keep things flowing (so to speak) you have to pump about the same time your baby would be taking her usual meal.  So three times a day, I shut my door for about 20-25 minutes and focused on answering emails or doing reports and other paperwork.  Yes, I researched how to make my pump "hands free."

Traveling was difficult to say the least.  I managed to make a few day trips and a couple of 2 and 3 night stays at various times, but then that meant pumping 4-6 times a day, making sure I had a refrigerator/freezer to store it in my hotel room, and then transporting everything back and forth on airplanes with freezer packs.  But I also avoided more than one trip because it was complicated and again, I wanted to be home.

Add on top of it, how much more difficult it would have been if my husband hadn't been so understanding and supportive of my career, stepping up to play Mr. Mom while I was gone.  But that also means his career has the potential to suffer as well.  If I'm out of town, and he gets the call that Eve has a fever, he has to drop everything to go pick her up and take her to the doctor.  If she's sick for more than a day, one of us has to stay home with her.  All of that is time away from work when others are there.

Now back to Mrs. Mayer.  She'll be a first time mom--is she also underestimating the insanity that is motherhood?  Obviously, she's in a financial position to have full time help should she want it, but will she grapple with the ever present "mommy guilt" the same way I do?  Will Yahoo! and more importantly its investors and analysts be understanding of a flexible work schedule when it comes to the stock price?  Will the Board continue to support her and how she wants to run the company if they start to feel the frequent pediatrician visits or calls about a sick child are interfering with the company's performance?  She's not exactly taking over the most stable company--and turning a company around is a lot more demanding than keeping one on a smooth sailing course.

Personally, I hope she's some kind of miracle CEO that turns Yahoo! into a relevant player again.  I hope she's able to find that balance where she's comfortable with the sacrifices she makes at home and the ones she makes at work.  Because without question, both will have to happen.  I hope she's fulfilled personally and professionally.  And I hope that she doesn't mind that professionally ambitious moms everywhere are looking at her in hopes that a very public success story will help pave the way for their own success.

The Generational Change Gap

This is a sensitive topic, as I'm voluntarily walking into the bear trap of being that stereotypical, younger whining twit who thinks old people just don't get it, man.  Even more so when I disclose that I work for a company that's run by my family.  But that doesn't make it any less of a real issue.  I've spent more time editing this one than I did writing it, and I hope my attempt to remain objective and not get personal reflects that.  If not, feel free to argue with me and point out where I'm wrong.

There are times when I avoid our almost 79 year old Chairman of the Board.  And those days where I get sucked into something, well, they're often filled with more headaches than solutions.  Unfortunately, he really doesn't understand what I do.  Much of what I'm involved in simply didn't exist in his heyday, and while they're critical now, they weren't for many years and I know he has trouble seeing the value I bring to the bottom liine.  I've been introduced to various people he has tour our office as "my oldest granddaughter... I have no idea what she does on that computer all day, but she sure looks pretty doing it."  I think he means this as a compliment, but there's very little I find more insulting professionally.  So I do what I can to get my job done without his interference.

It's sad, and I'm sure the company as a whole is missing out on some benefits it would otherwise gain if there were a way we could work together more productively.

This dread and swelling urge to roll my eyes is often misconstrued as a general disdain for the older generations. I find myself right in the middle of that over lap between Gen X and Gen Y (I tend to self identify more with the Xers) but neither generation are well known to view the baby boomers or WWII generation with the greatest regard when it comes to business.  However, at least for me, there are two very distinct types of of these "older business types" and while I do often find one group incorrigible, I genuinely feel the other gets a bad rep from their counterparts.  The result is, and I'm just as guilty as the rest, we tend to ignore the wealth of knowledge they could constructively provide.

The first group I'm referring to has the mentality of management by walking around, their ways of doing business are the only ways, and you can't possibly get any work done if you're not in the office. They tend to look at younger generations as soft, spoiled, maybe even a little inept.  They come across not as attempting to impart their years of wisdom (which they do have, I must give credit where it's due) but more as a parent using the "tiger style" approach on an unruly child.  These are the CEOs who, despite several studies and articles that speak to the contrary, will make every attempt to kill social media usage while their workers are on the clock because they think it destroys their precious productivity.  They tend to show too much favor toward one aspect of a business as the critical department that determines a company's success or failure (not a coincidence, it's often the department they came up through to their current prominence).  They force their ideas down the throats of those who report to them instead of granting those people the freedom to make a critical decision.  They scoff at innovation and can be overheard saying something similar to "that's the way we've always done it" or "this has worked for me for 30 years, I don't see how you can't make it work now."

From my perspective, it's very easy to see why I may come across as unwilling to listen to the "olds" overall.  However, some of the business people I look up to most include Warren Buffet, H. Ross Perot, Richard Branson, and Jack Welch. They're not perfect but they have one very critical thing in common.  Here's the simple idea that creates a massive divide between the people I rather harshly described before to make a point and these gentlemen--they embrace and cultivate change. They're intelligent enough to know they don't know everything and look for knowledge and ideas at every possible turn. 

It seems like such a simple concept to me and many among my two generational groups yet it's amazingly difficult to get older generations to use in a business setting. I'm not sure of the motivation behind this behavior but I certainly find myself speculating--are they realizing they're approaching the end of their "useful life" in the business world and they feel a little resentment toward feeling cast aside?  Are they convinced this "new" business model is all wrong and will only result in our impending fall into some sort of zombie apocalypse? There are a myriad of potential explanations, but whatever the truth is (and it's probably different for each of them), they hold to it like the world will end if they let that idea go. 

Yes, change is uncomfortable and sends you out into the world not knowing how it will turn out.  Yes, change may reveal that you're no longer as astute as you once were in business.  Yes, change can be extremely difficult and can make you feel incredibly unsure of your professional future.  But the "ah ha" revelation that should go with those fears is change is no different for someone who is 65 than it is for someone at 25.  It scares all of us.  No matter your age, experience, your knowledge, or even your chosen profession and your rank within it, change means you have to adapt, continue learning, and is essentially a lot more work than going with the status quo.

But even the Greek philosophers (who are literally as old as dirt by now) almost preached that the key to life is to never stop learning.  Plato said, "If a man neglects education, he walks lame to the end of his life." There may no valid reason for you to take heed of what I think or say, however, I've always heard this Plato guy was pretty smart. Hopefully you'll at least consider his words and embrace the small difference in your attitude that can literally transform your legacy, your impression you leave with the younger generations you lead today, and create an opportunity to impart the infinite wisdom you do have to share with the world. It's not necessarily what you say but how you say it and how you respond to others, but that cliche is for another story....

The Ugly Truth of Business

I’m jaded.  I’m not going to lie to you.  I’ve worked for some pretty terrible companies, and I’ve been a part of some organizations that when I took a hard look at their business philosophy and leadership, I was genuinely shocked they managed (puns!) to stay in business for more than two or three years.  But there are still some amazing companies out there… at least that’s the rumor.  I read about several of them in Forbes, Fortune, and the Wall Street Journal.  They make me yearn for a company I can believe in, support completely, and be inspired regularly to be the very best version of my professional self.  I’m sure each has their fair share of people who walked away thinking it was completely screwed up and they were doomed for failure, but I digress. Culture and fit is a topic for another day.

Back to being a sourpuss who wants to (look for the irony) get away from business by starting up one of my own.  My plan is a pizza place.  It’ll be brilliant—a giant middle finger Mecca for all those, like me, who are exhausted by trying to make a difference in the corporate world through silly things like morals and logic.  The name would be simple—Christi’s Pizza Parlor.  But the slogan would be, “Where we say F You to Corporate Rules.”  I know, it’s a tacky gimmick, but if a burger place can thrive on feeding 300 pound obese people for free and naming their food after life changing surgeries, I think I’m well within my rights of marketing freedom.  We’d hire teenagers to work there—because what teenager doesn’t love the idea of being a part of a lame rebellion?  Time clocks and scheduled work shifts?  Who needs them.  Inventory control?  Pfft, we’ll just order stuff when it looks like we need it.  Pricing strategies?  So over rated.  Health codes?  I mean it’s not like we haven’t all toyed with the 5 second rule at some point in our lives.  Market research and advertising?  I won’t have time for that because I’ll be too busy watching my kindred spirits flock to the place only to find out that there’s no guarantee they’ll get their pizza in a timely manner or even as they ordered it.  Who knows if the place will even be open during the lunch rush because my ever reliable teenage workforce might just decide they don’t feel like working that day?  It just adds to the fun!  Remember, I’m very dedicated to this slogan piece of my pseudo business.

I should be wildly successful.  I mean, I’m playing to all the things that drive people crazy about their jobs (including myself) and I’ve got a hilarious angle to make the place fun and inviting (although I may need to come up with a PG version of the slogan for families), and most importantly I have no real business plan.  How is that not a recipe for me to make millions?  I’ll have multiple venture capitalists trying to get me to franchise the thing out in a matter of months, right?

As much as we lament day in and day out about corporate policies, various procedures that we have to follow to get things done, and we curse the bosses who won’t bend on what we feel is the silliest of policies… it all still exists for a good reason.  Yes, the execution may be horribly flawed but the basic principles still hold true when they’re not twisted and contorted into something that becomes a farce of the original idea.

1.      You have to make more than you spend to stay in business (unless you’re a gigantic bank apparently)

2.     You need to pay your bills (hopefully promptly)

3.     You need to hire good people, treat them fairly, and help them grow professionally

4.     You need to evaluate your own ideas, processes, policies, and even vendors to make sure they’re still the best choice for the business AT THAT POINT IN TIME (more on that in a moment)

5.     You have to have a little fun with it and not take things so seriously all the time

Here’s the kicker—what seems like an almost idiot proof idea, the execution always seems to find that new level of idiot we weren’t prepared for.  Or I could take a slightly less sarcastic approach to retorting my own arguments: there’s simply confusion and interpretation that leads to the failed execution of these ideas.  Any time two or more people interact, what one person says is not going to be heard by the other(s) exactly as intended the first time.

So how do we get past that?  Is it even possible?  That's where the hard work and using common sense comes into play. Voltaire has been quoted as saying, "Common sense is not so common."  This couldn't be truer in business. There's a delicate balance between executing common sense ideas like keeping an accurate inventory to avoid waste or running out of something and dwelling on 20 different inventory reports that may not even be that reliable to begin with.

While my pizza parlor is the very extreme case, the rebellion has merit. Give people certain necessary boundaries but give them the freedom to work in a manner they enjoy. Make sure the essentials are tracked accurately and in a timely manner but let go of the things that beat people down and truly provide little useful information.  Use common sense--and if you lack it (it's okay to admit it), hire someone who can keep you in check.  And most importantly, have a little fun.  We spend a quarter of our time at work every week--and that doesn't include any commuting time, extra hours, or the time people mull over work issues at home or in their minds. While every case has the exception most people just want to do something they enjoy, challenge them, and makes them feel like they're making a genuine contribution to the world. Stop ruining it for us by making common sense so ridiculous it no longer makes sense.