The Problem with the Squeaky Wheel

This is the face I'll make when I have my nervous breakdown.

Ah, yes.  That tired yet oft used reference that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  Perhaps you've heard it a time or two?  If not, please tell me what part of the world you live in because I want to move there immediately.  I'm serious.  Tell me right now.  I will start packing.

It's a cliche that continues to see relevance because it's the approach many people still take.  The biggest complainers, the employees who constantly halt innovative ideas because they don't like change, the elderly person who gripes the most about how terrible the Jell-O is at the nursing home, the child who throws the embarrassing tempter tantrum in public because you said they couldn't have yet another toy they'll play with for 5 minutes then discard--they ALL get more attention than their silent counterparts who simply go about their business or do what they're asked.  Do people giving them the attention like them better for it?  Probably not, but guess what--they're still winning.  Even negative attention is still attention.

Therefore, as one of those fed up functioning wheels--tired of working harder for less grease--the following is my squeak filled soap box rant.  This is my screaming into a pillow when no one's around, hitting a punching bag until my knuckles bleed in sheer frustration, time to try out how the other guys do it to see if it really works, full blown bitch fest.  Tomorrow, I'll go right back to quietly doing what needs to be done and not constantly demand attention for it because it's just who I am.  For now, the irony of calling out the over greased wheel by taking their approach to do is not lost on me.  I'm going to relish in it for just a moment.

Do you know what's wrong with focusing most or all of one's attention on the problems?  The things and people that are going/doing well go unacknowledged and over time lose their motivation to keep everything running smoothly.  The people that work hard without needing a cattle prod shock to the ass see the how those who get prodded are the ones really getting the undeserved rewards.  The people that don't complain end up being forced to carry the weight of the complainer because it's a "teamwork" situation and the non-complainer feels some sort of obligation to turn in their best work where the complainer constantly makes excuses not to do something.  When the boss gives the complainer a raise to shut them up (doesn't work, by the way), the non-complainer begins to learn that advancement comes through excuses instead of the stated desired results.

So someone, please, explain to me in a logical manner with valid supporting points as to why this phrase such a widely accepted practice.  Someone convince me that it's actually better for mankind to be full of people who never seem to get anything done but are quickest to blame it on something they're not given as a reward before they ever even accomplish anything.  Explain to me how expecting to put in hard work first and then be recognized for it is actually foolish and uninspiring to others.

The way I see it from the functioning wheel angle, rewarding the squeaky one is only setting up for the entire car/wagon/plane/trailer/whatever for complete failure.  Whether you're intending to or not, you're rewarding the bad behavior and ultimately telling everyone that despite what you may say, you really WANT people to chronically complain and never accomplish anything.  You WANT people to constantly make excuses.  You WANT people to expect a carrot without the stick before they make even the smallest effort.  You WANT to be the only person to ever "fix" anything.

Yeah, and I'm the crazy person.  Last time I checked, we didn't land on the moon because someone complained it into reality.  GE didn't go from being Thomas Edison's little light bulb company to one of the largest conglomerates in the world by complaining about competition.  Are you getting it yet, because I can keep going.  Someone somewhere had to do more than was expected of them, be more dedicated than was fair to ask, and give more than what they thought they might receive in return.

And to end my selfish little "look at me!" tirade on a somewhat useful note, some complaints are valid.  If one person had the ability to think of every possible scenario to determine the best outcome for everyone involved, none of this would matter.  But each of us needs to listen to complaints and ask one important question when they've stopped talking--what are you going to do to fix it?  How would you make that problem go away? What ideas do you have that would improve what you don't currently like, and how would it benefit not only yourself, but others?  But then you have give them a legitimate shot at doing it.

Get away from the whiners--their purpose in life is to bring everyone else down to their level.  Then nothing happens.  And they'll complain about it.  And that's when I think I'm only screaming in my head in frustration but then realize every one's staring at me because I'm doing it for real.  Nobody wants that.

The Mythical Perfect Childhood

I spent most of my blogging time last week obsessing about one post.  And it's still not up.  There is a reason for that--I wrote it, edited it, asked my husband to read it to give me some feedback, edited again, and sat on it.  Over the weekend, I had a bit of an epiphany--this post I was so concerned about, was written with the completely wrong approach.  I couldn't change it enough so that I didn't think it didn't come across as whiny.

This trait aggravates me greatly, and I'd hate to have my writing perpetuate it unless it's absolutely necessary.  I'll probably still post it at some point, but it's going to need a lot of rewriting before it's done.  It is very personal, it is a large piece of my motivation, even obsessive drive to write.  But if I have even one person say to me, "Oh you poor thing, that must have been so hard for you" I'll hate myself for it.

It did make me start to wonder, however, we all have "issues" from childhood--why in the world do we tend to spend so much time dwelling on them?  Why do we tend to focus on how we were wronged in our minds instead of taking into consideration how lucky we really had/have it?  Why is there a seemingly eternal struggle for creating or defining that "perfect childhood" and then comparing all the ways we were denied that experience?

Even the most noble of intentions can go horribly wrong; just ask Macbeth.  No matter how much you think your kids are like you, they're going to be different in many regards and how you would handle something is going to wind up upsetting them in some way.  Despite the well meaning actions of a parent, while possibly "traumatic" at the time, the kid usually grows up and starts to understand their parents better as people allowing us to see why they did what they did.  We're still allowed to disagree with it, but if you're holding on to some deeply embedded resentment because your mom wouldn't let you go on that date with the guy with 8 tattoos and a nose ring in high school, it's probably time to move on.

These are just life lessons that you can learn and become a stronger person or ignore them so you can continue to have that pity party.  The problem with the latter is that eventually, you're the only one left at that party.  After all, you heard your mother say countless times, there are starving children in Africa while you are complaining about meatloaf and not wanting to eat all your vegetables.

Reading myself complain about my childhood seemed so ridiculous after I stepped back from the post for a day.  I never had to learn how to cook meth after school and balance that with getting my homework done to escape the same future.  I never got left in a 3rd world country where I was either sold into human trafficking or as a child soldier.  I never had a family member do anything inappropriate to me that would scar me for life.  I could go on and on.

The bottom line is, I'm (for the most part) a responsible adult, I make enough to provide for my family, I occasionally have fun and act silly, and I generally like who I've become.  I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for my experiences as a child and on up through yesterday.  There's no such thing as "perfect" but I certainly can have what works best for me. 

Hopefully, I'll be able to do the same for my daughter and keep her from becoming a serial killer when she grows up.  She can be mad at me when I embarrass her as a teenager or not let her have THE outfit that all the other girl's moms said was okay because I think it looks like a $2 hooker dress.  She'll learn to get over it because I had her best interests in mind when she didn't.

If You're an Ass Kisser, I Won't Like You

Today, I throw a monkey wrench in my whole customer service thing: here's where I tell you how much I loathe ass kissing.  To me there's a difference between good service and ass kissing, and my take on what those differences entail is, of course, very specific and thought out.  Your version will likely be different or you may be someone who prefers to back your rear up on a set of puckered lips.  If you're that person, you'll probably want to stop reading right now.

Since I've already gone over what good service is to me, there's no sense in spinning that wheel again.  Check it out if you haven't already--it will probably add to what I'm about to say.

Ass kissers are trying to overcompensate for the fact that all they're really trying to do is getting something out of you.  They're not trying to build a long term business or personal relationship--they see being associated with you as a way to move up in the world or weasel their way in to something they couldn't otherwise.  They're not approaching the exchange as a give and take based on trust and mutual respect--ass kissers are trying to float your ego high enough in hopes you won't notice they're taking something from you without reciprocity.

No one's a perfect judge of character, and as confident I am in my abilities to read most people I'm positive I've been wrong before.  This isn't an ego trip for me--I just genuinely dislike being showered with attention I can tell is completely fake.  It's a set up and they're trying to create a false sense of trust. I find manipulative dishonesty extremely insulting to one's intelligence.

It's the car salesman that won't talk to a woman unless a guy is there with her.  It's the restaurant manager or waiter that makes some big production about a "special" something that really costs them nothing in hopes of a 30% tip on a nice dinner.  It's the retail sales person that completely ignores you when you indicate the need for help until you flash a platinum card.  It's the sales person or account manager that you can never get a hold of once they got that initial sale after promising to follow up regularly or be hands on during the transition.  The examples are abundant.

And if you are a person who enjoys this kind of attention... why?  Are you so insecure that you need validation of your importance through false sincerity?  Do you enjoy having people bow down and serve you to acknowledge that you are a higher class of person?  Are you so lonely that you will take any kind of attention, even if it's fleeting?  Is ass kissing just how you define good service?  Is there some sort of psychological scar that makes you want to chase those kind of people and "fix" them?

I hold honesty and being genuine in high regard, so it really is difficult for me to see the other side of this coin.  But there are so many good people in the world, I just don't see the point in wasting time with the sleazeballs.  Why bother wondering if/when they're going to turn on you for a better deal?  Hell, why encourage bad behavior by enabling them?  Certainly these ass kissers wouldn't stick to it if it didn't work on enough people to make worth their while.