I am NOT a People Person

I have an uncle who has an amazing gift for gab.  He can walk up to anyone in a room and within 15 minutes they're best friends.  People feel at ease around him, and he genuinely seems to enjoy being around a wide variety of personalities.  I watch in awe as he walks around a room, engages complete strangers, and walks away with new friends that genuinely want to see him again.  It's a talent that eludes many of us, and is virtually impossible to explain how one goes about doing it successfully.

I can say without a doubt I do not share that characteristic.  In many ways I'm envious (benign envy?) of his obvious talents.  Professionally and often socially, I am at a disadvantage.  And no matter what self help articles or professional networking advice types tell me, it does NOT get easier with practice.

Unless I'm paired with an extroverted, inviting person, there are many awkward silences.  Conversation does not flow freely, and I know it's evident that my attempts at asking polite yet interesting questions is labor intensive.

I suppose I'm more British than American in that I am terrified of asking that one seemingly safe question and getting the bear trap answer.  I see a wedding band, so I think to ask if they're married and for how long, but I don't because I'm afraid they're going to respond by telling me their spouse died in a horrific car crash two months ago.  Or if they have any kids to hear that their teenager just got hauled off to rehab for the third time yesterday.

Or worse, I get stuck talking to someone I can't stand within five minutes.  As terrible as I am at forced social interaction, I'm even more terrible at hiding my feelings.  If I think someone is arrogant or egocentric, or just plain dull then my facial expressions and follow up questions are guaranteed to give me away.  I'l  let you imagine how that works out at industry functions.  I don't mind people disliking me, in fact many times I prefer it.  I just don't like potentially costing my company business because I can't fake a smile at the appropriate time.

I hate the open setting more than any other because I have zero clues to guide my conversation until I start talking to them.  If I meet them at their office, I can cheat and look for family pictures or evidence of hobbies, etc. and I can swing those meetings pretty well without looking like an inept buffoon.

Alas, I continue to put myself in situations where I end up leaving an event sweating, completely drained of energy, and very much wanting to crawl into a cave to avoid all human contact for at least a week.  I have an alumni event later this month that I'm forcing myself to attend.  I keep hoping that something eventually clicks and the whole process becomes a little bit easier.

Because in the end, I can't do this job or even my dream job successfully without being able to cleverly fake my way through a room full of strangers and leave convincing at least one of them that I'm personable and charming.  I keep watching my uncle in awe, but I can't take him with me to these things--I know I'd let him take the lead because it's so much easier.  And that will get me no where.

I don't have to start enjoying it--that would be unrealistic because dealing with people in general will always be "work" for me.  I just need to get to the point where people can't tell that it's work.